Lifestyle

Vaccines

May 9, 2012
Welcome to the Health Department
Last Friday I was sitting waiting for the pleasantly, cheerful secretary at the health clinic to call my name- and when I say pleasantly, cheerful I mean I think that her parents probably stole all her Halloween candy every year which left the look of pure hatred on her face.  As I waited for Miss Grumpy Pants to call my name, I looked around I realized that the health department is the best in- house advertiser I have ever seen.
Has anyone ever heard of diptheria, whooping cough, tetanus, rubella, mumps, measles, typhoid, yellow fever, the flu, hepatitis, the chicken pox?  Well man oh man, just wander on over to the health department and you will learn of these diseases.  Posters, video commercials, and handouts are available.  And all of them taught me one thing: I COULD DIE!  I WILL DIE IF I DON’T GET  SHOTS!  Thank heavens my parents got me immunized as a child.  I could have ended up looking like this:  
Yes.  These were just some of the pictures that welcomed me as I sat waiting to get vaccinated.  This could have been me.  
Obviously however I didn’t have all vaccines because I needed more before I went to Africa.  I was only planning on getting some of them, but my mind was immediately changed.  I needed all vaccines available to all mankind!  And I needed them today!  The nurse calls me over and with my now vaccine-passionate insides I decided that I was going to be little brave heart who would get fifty shots in one day and would never die of a terrible disease. 
My dreams of being the most vaccinated woman ever was sliced to pieces in a matter of minutes.   There is a catch however to all these advertisements that the Health Department so kindly tells you as you are signing up to get all your shots.  They give you the paper and say, “Alright read the side effects and warnings”.  
I read them.  
Involuntary muscle contractions, death, throwing up for a few weeks, becoming paralyzed, migraines for life, and did I mention…DEATH!  All possible by these disease-preventing shots.  Sure maybe it was only 1 in 250,000.  But. THAT COULD BE ME!!  With my luck, it would be.
After pondering for maybe 10 seconds….I decided to get the shots anyways.  Mainly because I had already signed for them, and needed them, and because I figured I was going to die one way or the other.  
The nurse walked me over and prepared to give me my shots.   The following picture is a great representation of me as I got my shots. 
Ok.  Lies.  This was me.  
Followed by: 
And, “Oh, no, it didn’t hurt that bad”, and “Can I get the bugs bunny bandaid?”, and “Do you guys give out suckers?”  I am five years old. 
Well I am happy to say that it has been almost a week since I have been vaccinated for at least 6 deadly diseases.  I have neither contracted those diseases nor the side effects of the shots.  Moral of the story: We’re all going to die.  Get vaccinated!  

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