Many of you know that I went to regionals/NCAA’s for track last week. Many of you also know that I didn’t do so hot. When I say didn’t do so hot I mean at the beginning of outdoor I was on track to qualify for nationals and I took second to last at the qualifying meet. [Which is better than last I suppose, and technically 5 people didn’t finish so I guess I was ahead of them… but ya know.] I also ran a minute slower than where I should be/was. Many of you might not know however, that I am happy. I’m not saying there weren’t tears shed after my race or for the few days following; I was [am] certainly disappointed, frustrated, and in many ways devastated. But I am happy. Why am I happy? Because God is always in control, and He knows what is best.
Last year (2013) I miraculously made it to the NCAA’s. I couldn’t really train (or race) for 9 months, wanted to quit, finally got the help I needed and in less than two months went from not being able to run for more than 15 minutes to qualifying. It was a miracle. But I wrote something down that year that I remember this year and it is still just as true. I told myself after I qualified at last meet and last chance that “I’m so grateful to my Heavenly Father for helping and bringing my running talent back so quickly. He lives. Christ lives. And even if my running weren’t back or I hadn’t been healed that would still be true.”
This year the second part is the case, and the thought is still true. My body is a such a fickle thing and [often] can’t decide how to be healthy. Doctors are usually boggled by me. We’ve spent hundreds of dollars, hours and hours, and countless time researching but this time there was not the miracle I wanted, there was the one that God wanted. He loves me. He let me qualify for regionals in my first outdoor race even though the rest of my season would be ridiculously frustrating. He sent me kind teammates throughout the season and ones that were in Arkansas to help me be happy. He sent me a husband who believes in me more than anyone I’ve ever met. I am not quite sure exactly what the miracle God wanted was. I just know it was there. And maybe I haven’t seen it yet. Maybe I am still in the middle of my running story, and not the end. I really don’t know. But what I’m saying is that God’s idea for my life is much better than my idea and I have to trust in that.
My dad said this to me when I got back from Arkansas, “It’s not about where you placed, but the person that you are”. I sarcastically replied, “That’s what the losers say”. And although I think that I am right, that is what the losers say, ha ha, he is also very right. When I get to Heaven I really don’t think God is going to ask me if I qualified for nationals (because He already knows, ha ha) but mostly because it doesn’t matter. He’s going to ask me if I loved my teammates and coaches, if I worked hard, and if I gave everything I had. I can answer to all of those questions without a doubt, yes. I wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t the perfect teammate, team captain, athlete, or runner. But I definitely did my best everyday. I put everything I had out there.
I don’t know what I’m going to do next with running. I’ve still got to consult with the Big Man Upstairs on what He wants me to do and I will do that. The reason I share this is to help and to make sure that others know that I know God is there. Always. If you’re sad, frustrated, discouraged, looking for a miracle, happy, excited, loving life, or whatever it is, He is always there. And He is always looking out for us and making sure the right things and the best things happen to us. He is my and your biggest fan. And that is why I am happy.
P.S. Don’t worry, I am not deathly ill or anything, just not healthy enough to run and I have to take lots of naps. (Which the nap part is kind of a win because right after I eat my mac ‘n cheese for lunch I get to go to sleep)
P.P.S. Go Jazz