Why Clean Eating is the Worst Thing I’ve Ever Done

December 3, 2015
I love food, in particular junk food. I always have. Although I definitely eat so much healthier than high school (my daily staples included Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Taco Amigo and pizza sticks from the Allen’s Deli), I still LOVE junk.

We’ve been on this health journey for a while now and we’ve seen a few doctors. So every time we go to the doctor and they find out I’m a runner, they always assume that I’m this amazing eater. I’m not. Ha ha. It makes me laugh just thinking about it.  Doctors say stuff about me not being a sugar or junk food addict and always with this pleased doctor smile that I am living the lifestyle of their dream patient. I just can’t crush their hopes and dreams about me! It’s like when the dentist asks if you’ve been flossing. Well, aside from the day before I go, the day I got beef jerky or popcorn stuck in my teeth, and the actual appointment, I have flossed about as much as I’ve cheered for someone besides the Jazz.  (PS I always just tell the dentist “not as much as I should”, sorry Roger!!) 

So anyways…we found this doctor who’s great and really helping. BUT he wanted me to do a detox diet. I kicked and screamed but for reasons important to my future dreams, goals, and our family, it really was the only option. So this week I started a detox/healing diet for my body. It’s 3 weeks long and it’s only day 3. Let’s just say I’ve attempted this 3 other times and have given up after 12 hours (or less). I’m not the most disciplined eater ha ha and I REALLY like carbs and milk. The last two times I tried it was a “suggestion” from doctors and I really wasn’t that motivated (because it’s really, really hard). This time my doctor checks in on me every two days.  So… I don’t really have a way to quit.

On day 1 (so Monday) after 3 meals of this detox I wanted to quit. The food is basically only chicken, quinoa, sweet potatoes, veggies/fruits, and almond butter. No tostada, tacos, or small fries anywhere on the menu. I know, it seems impossible to me too. 
So being an over-reactor as I tend to be, and mustering all the drama that rubs off from the teenagers I could, I was ranting and raving about what I like eating to Brandon. I mean, I’d been deprived for THREE whole meals!!! (I don’t have a problem at all). I was screaming (literally) that I LOVE pasta and pizza and cheese and tacos and ice cream and cookies and cake and Taco Amigo and Cup of Noodle soup and flour and cows and pigs and salsa and melting cheese on things and microwaving burritos. Then, as I was about to cry (literally… Hey, I love junk food), Brandon took my hand, placed it over my heart, and started singing “I’m proud to be an American!” 
I busted up laughing. 
Because it’s true. I am the poster child (minus morbid obesity) for the American diet.  [And I really, really, really, love America]. Michelle Obama, I’m the reason you’ve ruined school lunches, vending machines, and soda on the kids menu at Applebee’s. I LOVE AMERICAN FOOD. I love sodium and garbage and sugar and all of it. And I am not ashamed. 
So let’s pray this detox works!  And I’ll keep using the phrase “I can do hard things”. And maybe I’ll make it. Because hey! Rice got added into my good choices today and I needed to write a blog post about it. 
Happy Holidays and as always, go Jazz!!! 

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  • Reply Montana Brian December 3, 2015 at 3:32 am

    HAHAHAHA!!! This was too good. Too, too good. I literally was laughing out loud the whole time. Best of luck on this diet… Sounds… Awesome. Just kidding haha. You can do it!!! ����

  • Reply Amber December 3, 2015 at 9:21 am

    Bahaha!!! 🙂 This is the best!!! I'm dying! You can do it Brooke! Anything is possible if you just believe (insert Josh Groban singing "if you just believeeeee").

  • Reply Amber December 3, 2015 at 9:26 am

    Ps. I read "clean eating" in your title and automatically said "ewwww" outloud (while stuffing my face with Cinnamon Toast Crunch) hahaha! We share the same problem my friend.

  • Reply Aimee & Colby December 3, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    I feel so terrible for you!! I would die without sugar and all kinds of junk. This sounds impossible but it made me laugh so hard. Good luck!

  • Reply Becky Williams December 9, 2015 at 11:42 am

    hahah this is too good. "im proud to be an american" haha…made me laugh so hard. you got this!!!

  • Reply Becky Williams December 9, 2015 at 11:43 am

    hahah this is too good. "im proud to be an american" haha…made me laugh so hard. you got this!!!

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